Sea of Silent Hope
by Karaoke Risa
Summary: Shepard spends time mourning all she's lost and the choices she's made, only to be reminded of what it was all for. Post ME3. FShep/Kaidan, past FShep/Thane. Sweet, sad, with some humor and light. M for language and future chapters. One shot series.
1. Chapter 1

**I own nothing. Details are left vague, like the planet they're on, Shepard's history for the most part with the exception of some past Thane/Shep, and exactly how this all was possible, but… I like a happy ending. I think most of you do, too. Title taken from lyrics. Ten points to anyone that can tell me from what without looking it up.**

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><p><strong>Sea of Silent Hope<strong>

The morning waves were tumultuous that day, crashing against the shore with abject violence. Evelyn Shepard pondered this, her own turmoil interlocking neatly with the day's atmosphere—there's was never a shortage of these coincidences when it came to her. Clouds loomed ahead, charcoal grey and groaning distantly.

"Eve?" The raspy, masculine voice was followed by the sound of bare footsteps shuffling against wood. The gait was not quite steady, instead tired and slightly uneven, hinting at a limp.

She turned to see Kaidan standing on the deck of the rented beach house behind her, his eyes locking intently on hers. He was mussed, shirtless. Beautiful. Resigned, she also noted. They both knew he worried for her, as she did for him. Post-traumatic stress disorder had never been so common a phrase until these last weeks.

"I'm alright, Kaidan. Just thinking." She offered a half-hearted smile and turned her moss green eyes back out to shore.

"It's not a mistake, Shepard," he sighed, voice as weary as she felt. "Everyone understands. How could they not?"

Her head ducked, no longer seeing the breathtaking scenery around her. This was a stale discussion. Somehow it managed to come up nearly every day, however.

"I should be helping them," she muttered lowly, bending down to cross her arms over the wooden banister. She swept a hand through her short blond hair, instinctually assessing and determining that she was overdue for a haircut. Any longer would be impractical under the helmet.

Not that she'd made any damn effort to pick it up lately. She breathed hard out her nose.

"Stop that." His voice was closer now. She felt his hand gently touch her back through the black N7 hoodie. "You just saved the whole goddamn galaxy. Taking some time off before jumping back in to sift through all the wreckage is reasonable. Hell, it's expected."

"Is it?" she countered, no fight in her tone. "I'm Commander-goddamn-Shepard. Unstoppable, unshakable, unkillable…" She was shaking her head. "I'm sure the rumors have elevated to wondering if I'm really just an AI."

"Well, you do have some of those neat metal parts, so… cyborg, maybe."

The quip was unexpected and a laugh bubbled up before she could stop it. "Wow. You've clearly been hanging out with Joker too long."

She watched him lean in from the corner of her eye to place a kiss on her cheek. "You'd be amazed at my own brand of humor when the fate of our race isn't being threatened."

The nod was automatic and subtle. "I'm already pretty amazed."

"Then I'm doin' something right," he murmured, shifting to stand behind her and pull her back against him, arms binding her waist.

Her eyes lifted back out to the shore. The storm was fractionally closer now.

"How much of this could have been avoided?"

"What?" His chin came to rest upon her shoulder, lips grazing her ear.

"Everyone we lost," she whispered, almost inaudible against the increasing wind.

Kaidan sighed against her neck. "Shep—"

"I'm not saying that I screwed up or didn't try," she cut him off. "I did try. I tried like hell. But… is it completely unreasonable for me to wonder what could have been done differently? Just one minute, one word… _something_ could have been all the difference. Some of them could still be here. Ash, Mordin, Legion…"

"Thane," he finished for her. There was no real jealousy there. They'd gotten past it. She'd loved the drell, and he could accept it. He hadn't exactly given her reason to stay utterly faithful when she'd come back. "It wasn't the war that killed him, though. Not really. You know that."

Agreement didn't come easily to her. She'd seen the file in the Shadow Broker's records. Thane had been eligible for a transplant but had refused it. They had only talked about it once after her discovery of this, and though he had admitted that he'd have reconsidered on account of their relationship, he had believed it too late and the mission too important to sacrifice so much time. After a while, she'd reluctantly acquiesced. It was his wish, and she wouldn't spend what might be his last weeks or months angry with him over it. He'd had his reasons.

"Maybe not. In a strange way, I guess it was better knowing that he wouldn't have much time to begin with, but it didn't make it much easier once the time came." She took his silence and the gentle kiss he place on her shoulder as empathic understanding. "But the others…"

"They gave their lives to save everyone else, Eve. The same thing that you were ready to do. Don't invalidate their sacrifices with 'what if's. They loved their people and their friends, and you. I know you wouldn't like anyone questioning that if you'd gone, too."

She tried to steel herself against the trembling in her lips.

"We all cared about them, babe," he continued, pulling her tighter against him. "They'll be missed and remembered. But there's beauty and honor in all of it, in the choices they made. Try to let yourself see that. It's okay to be sad, but don't pick it apart. Let their memories be peaceful, Eve. Let them have the honor in what they did. Let them rest."

When she could finally muster words through the thickness in her throat and the tears that stung her eyes, she nodded and wrapped her arms over his, careful of her healing burns, locking them in place. "Yep. You continue to amaze me."

"It's what I'm good at."

"I love you," she uttered, tilting her head to touch her forehead against his.

"I love _you_," he returned. "And I had an idea."

A blond eyebrow lifted slowly.

"I was gonna tell you this before we said goodbye and nearly died, but I wasn't sure if you'd deck me for it, considering the circumstances."

She blinked, waiting.

"Marry me, Shepard."

She instantly twisted in his arms and stared at him, green eyes bright and piercing, still rimmed with red. Her voice was thin, uncertain, but no surprise was evident. "Kaidan…"

"Come on, Evie. After all we've been through, after everything we've seen and done together… do you ever really think that either of us can have the same kind of emotional intimacy that you and I have with anyone else? Would anyone—_anything_— else ever measure up?" He paused to bring an arm from her waist and sweep a tendril of hair from her eyes, but pressed on before she could object, a smirk dancing on his lips. "You can't forge this kind of connection with a few dates and some hard liquor… nevermind if Vega wouldn't agree. We've got some serious shit under our belts, Eve. The kind of experience that only a handful of us is ever really afforded."

She couldn't deny, to her own surprise, that it was a rather compelling argument. "It does almost seem like after everything… it was sort of leading up to this, wasn't it?"

"Exactly," he replied, inching forward until his lips were merely centimeters from hers. "Like this is how it's supposed to be. This is what's been coming together all this time. If nothing else in this universe makes sense in all the rubble and ruin, at least _we_ do."

With a ghost of a smile tugging at her lips, she nodded. "Then I'm game."

The grin that slowly broke over his face was bright and lit up the darkened sky. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. Let's get married."

His face was beaming. "We'll do it on the Normandy. Fraternization regs be damned. No one will protest after all we've done. We're Spectres, anyway."

She laughed as a fresh pool of tears formed in her eyes and spilled over. Of course. No place would be more appropriate—it was the closest she could get to everyone she'd loved so dearly, even those lost. They'd be with her there.

"On the Normandy," she agreed fiercely, voice breaking.

"As soon as EDI and Anderson clear her, we'll do it. I'm sure everyone will show up, even if just to see you in a dress. And—"

"A dress?" She interrupted, trying to blink away tears. "No way, I was just gonna wear my dress blues."

He grasped her chin and gently held her gaze to his. "A dress. Doesn't have to be big and white and god awful, but… wear somethin' nice for me?"

Those sincere chocolate eyes completely melted her will. Her reply was defeated. "Fine."

Apparently satisfied, he continued with a smile and iron in his voice. "Then, once we have a nice, non-chaotic honeymoon, we'll get our asses back in our uniforms and go help clean up the mess, wherever they need us. Deal?"

How she loved this man. "Deal."

His lips fastened to hers to seal their pact, and she returned the kiss in equal measure. She'd loved Thane, but he'd be happy for her. For them. He'd tell her that he'd served his purpose in her life, and destiny unfolded the way it was meant to. This was her path, and he'd helped to lead her here.

Slowly pulling away, she considered Kaidan for a moment, dwelling over his confession that he'd nearly asked her before they'd said goodbye. "You never really thought we were going to fail, did you?"

His eyes lowered, and his smile was sad. "You know I was scared. I told you as much. Part of me thought we'd never live to see another day. "

The tone of his voice implied there was more to that statement. "But…?"

"But of everyone I know…" he trailed off, searching for the right words before meeting her gaze again. "If anyone could pull it off, you could. And you'd earned my trust. I owed it to you to believe in you. I just knew… somehow… we'd fix it. I couldn't deny that there was a pretty good chance that one of us wouldn't make it…" His voice betrayed that he was referring primarily to her. "…But then I remembered what you're capable of. The things I've seen you do. I had to believe that you'd get out, the Reapers would be gone, and then I'd marry your ass and buy us a house in Vancouver to raise a couple of kids."

"We're moving to Vancouver?" she asked flatly, her jade eyes alight with humor.

"Don't interrupt my heartfelt speech," he reprimanded with a growing smirk.

Her lips pressed together.

"If I hadn't clung to that idea, of getting a chance to even ask you if you'd share all that with me…" his voice had turned serious again. "I would have fallen apart the minute we separated. Just the thought of going through your death again… I had to keep my mind on us getting out alive. "

Tilting her head, she brought a gloved hand up to gingerly touch the side of his face. "I understand." She smiled then and tilted her chin to place a chaste kiss on his lips. "I don't think I'd have made it if it wasn't for you. For knowing what I still had to live for. I see my commitments through, after all."

"Damn right you do," he mumbled, leaning in for a lingering kiss. Once they parted, he leaned his head back to look at her levelly. "So, you gonna want a ring?"

She lifted a brow, her mouth twisted sardonically. "Please. The dress is where I draw the line. Won't fit under my greaves, anyway."

"I didn't think so," he chuckled.

Thoughtfulness crept over her face as the rain began to fall gently over them. "Get me a cat instead."

"A …cat." It wasn't a question.

"Or a dog?"

"You want an engagement pet?"

Shepard shrugged. "Why not?"

"You are the most… unconventional woman I've ever met." The crooked smile on his face did nothing for his credibility. Clearly, he loved it.

"Unconventional isn't originally what you were going to say, was it?" she asked, returning the smile.

"Nope. Best we leave it that way." He punctuated the remark with another light kiss.

"Alright," she sighed against his lips. "Rings. But simple wedding bands only. No gaudy gemstones."

"Done," he happily agreed, tucking her lower lip between his before slowly releasing. "Who'll be your maid of honor?"

"Garrus."

Kaidan tilted his head back to accommodate the sudden laugh that burst from his throat. "I see."

"But only if he'll wear a dress, too. It would be just as weird as seeing me in one."

His mirth tapered off to a chuckle and he shook his head. "You did it for Kasumi, I hear."

"Hey. That was life and death."

"Bet you were a knockout."

"Operative words here being 'knock out'. Who's going to be your best man?"

He considered this for a moment. "I'd say Anderson, if he'd be willing, but… I get the impression he'll have another important role."

Eve released a half-breath, half-laugh. "Yeah." He was like a father to her, after all.

"So… I'm thinkin' Joker."

"Damn," she muttered. "He was my back up in case Garrus wouldn't wear the dress."

"Get your ass back in that bed, woman," Kaidan ordered with a laugh, dropping his arms from her waist and pushing her toward the open glass door.

"That's Commander to you," she indignantly replied, all the while making her way back into the house.

"Get your ass back in that bed, Commander," he said, following her.

"Aye, aye, Major."

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><p><strong>Thanks for reading, and I hope you'll drop a line. I might sporadically update this with continuations in the form of one-shots that follow a (mostly) linear path. Depends on the ideas that strike, I suppose! Hope you enjoyed it.<strong>


	2. Chapter 2

**So here's another that follows the same vein as the last, at least in tone and such—I guess I hadn't gotten it all out of my system. Super sappy and a bit sad. Takes place roughly three days after the previous chapter.**

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><p>"Do you ever think about what it would have been like, if things hadn't happened the way they did?"<p>

"Mm?" Kaidan blinked slowly, refocusing his attention from the rain that raced into the white sand and onto the words she'd murmured against his chest. He internally ran through them once more and his dark brows drew close. "What do you mean?"

Her legs curled up onto the porch swing and over his lap, a purely Eve Shepard action—nothing _Commander_ Shepard about it.

"I mean, do you think about how things would have happened had we met under less… dire circumstances?"

"No," he replied simply. At her inquisitive glance up to his eyes, he elaborated. "I don't think about it because I really can't imagine it any other way. Who knows what could have happened? All I have are the facts."

"That's very rational EDI-esque thinking," she said with a soft chuckle.

"Doesn't mean I don't think about things I might have done differently at a few points in our history," he continued. His arms tightened around her involuntarily as the memories flickered by. "But… I'll always remember falling in love with the hot, badass woman who had more balls than the entire Alliance fleet combined as she took on the biggest threat our galaxy has ever faced."

It was Eve's turn to blink slowly. "…Thanks?"

"No problem," he smirked, planting a kiss on the top of her head.

She considered this for a moment before sending another questioning gaze his way. "What would you have done differently?"

A long sigh wafted through his lips. "Horizon."

It was a long-dead horse, but she couldn't quite quell the slough of questions that single word conjured. "What about it?"

"I'm sure you know the answer to that already, Shepard," he muttered, brown eyes falling back out to the beach. Three days of rain had the waves in turmoil, but it seemed to be gradually ebbing.

"Humor me."

"For being such a badass with all those balls, you sure can be a girl sometimes," he teased, affection coloring his raspy timbre.

Shepard snorted. "I can still knock your teeth in."

The idle threat went unanswered, and the air around them took on a heavier quality. She knew him well enough to know it was something he still had trouble thinking about, and he was struggling to find the right words.

After nearly a minute, his voice barely reached her ears over the sound of the rain against the porch roof. "I tried not to think about it so much, you know… after the Normandy was destroyed. I didn't want to imagine you still with me. About the future we might have had. I couldn't stop it sometimes, of course, but I had to fight with the images every damn day."

They both knew he was watering it down, molding it to fit inside the most innocuous words he could manage. They'd come a long way, the hand they'd been dealt a little easier to accept every day, but he still struggled, especially on acknowledging her death out loud.

A light kiss against his neck told him that she understood everything he wasn't saying.

"Once the rumors started, though…" he began again, his voice a little stronger. "Well, the thoughts came on more rampant than ever." He cleared his throat and absently began combing his fingers through her cropped blond locks. "I thought about what would happen if it was true, and if I saw you again. Pretty soon, I stopped fighting it and gave in, imagining the things I would say and do… but then it _was_ true, and you were in front of me… and I was too damn blinded by my own allegiance to my job to get past that Cerberus emblem on your armor."

Eve said nothing, but waited, well aware that he still had yet to truly answer the question. She wouldn't push.

With a humorless chuckle, Kaidan shook his head. "I always thought I'd… pull you into my arms and hold on forever, even if the whole damn place was crumbling around us, because nothing could be more important than that."

"Well, you at least did the very first part," she offered, extending him a little levity.

He smiled against the top of her head, placing another featherlight kiss there. "I let go too early," he mumbled in her hair. "Reality chose to set in right then and I was just… stupid in my anger. But if things had gone the way I wanted… hell, we probably would have ended up making love right there on the battleground."

Her eyebrows shot up with amusement. "In front of my crew, Kaidan? That's very bold of you."

"Hey, I figured I'd have had an excuse with the two year old grief and everything," he argued. "Besides, in my fantasy, we're too frantic to make up for lost time that we can't quite make it to a secluded corner somewhere." He shrugged. "And I assumed they'd probably walk away pretty fast once they knew what was happening."

She laughed heartily, indulging in the idea for a long moment. "I don't know. Mordin tended to have a very clinical fascination about the workings of every species' reproductive and recreational practices. He might have stuck around. You know, for science."

"That's… a little creepy." Kaidan conceded with a grimace, making Shepard laugh again at the unease in his tone.

"Yeah, he made the days interesting, to say the least," she sighed, her laughter tapering off to a quiet chuckle. There was no member of her team that she hadn't come to love dearly. Thinking of the Salarian had a bittersweet sting. Clearing her throat, she nuzzled Kaiden's neck, urging him on. "Keep going."

He dropped his hand from her hair and gingerly stroked up and down her upper arm. "I never really got much farther than that."

"How shallow," she said, a smile playing on her lips.

She knew he was grinning without even seeing his face. "Well," he went on, "I knew we'd talk… but it's all very abstract. I could never figure out exactly which way the conversation would go. I wondered if you still felt the same way about me, or if things had changed since you'd been brought back. I didn't even know if you'd be the real you, with the same memories and feelings and standards… I tried not to think too hard on that." He released another sigh. "But… when things went my way in the fantasy, you were as happy to see me as I was to see you and we just sorta fell right back into place like nothing had ever changed. There was a tearful reunion and a passionate exchange of 'I love you's, and all that sappy business." She could feel him shake his head ever so slightly. "But I screwed th—"

"Shh," she interrupted, raising a gloved hand to gently place a finger against his lips. "No, just stay in the fantasy. Don't shatter it."

He kissed the finger before very carefully pulling her hand down and holding it against his chest. "I could never really figure out how I would tell you everything I'd been through in those two years. No words seemed strong enough to express the pain I was in, and how much I'd needed you and hadn't realized it until it was too late. And how I'd never, ever take you for granted again."

"Kaidan," Eve whispered, her voice failing her. She tried again, a modicum more volume forcing its way past the lump in her throat. "I don't think you ever really took me for granted. We knew the stakes. You were with me the whole way, and you did everything you could to protect me."

"Bullshit," he bit out.

"I made you leave," she said firmly, grasping his face on both sides and forcing him to meet her eyes. "You know I wouldn't ever let anyone else be responsible for me, or make choices that decided my fate _for_ me. If I did, I wouldn't be the person that you love. You were respecting me when you left."

He had to concede that she had a point, but it didn't make the memory of the ache any duller. He only nodded once.

"Go on," she urged, letting her hands fall once more.

Gritting his teeth, he tried to force the unexpected wave of emotion away and continue. Swallowing, he spoke again, his rasp more pronounced than before. "I'd have told you that I was never going to let you out of my sight again. I can't decide your fate, Shepard, but I can decide mine. If it meant dying with you next time, I was going to do it."

The thought brought a jolt of agony through her, but she had to accept that it was his choice. In a way, she could appreciate the sentiment.

"I probably would have proposed to you right there," he finished, a smile making its way into his voice.

She hummed with mirth. "Before or after our public romp amidst Collector corpses?"

"Hm… maybe during."

"Oh, heat of the moment kind of proposal." She snickered. "Those are the kind we're always warned against accepting, you know."

"You sayin' you would have turned me down?" he asked, leaning his head back to send her a skeptical look.

"Not saying that," she hedged.

He breathed a laugh. "But not saying more, huh? Anyway… that's about it. Of course, I always knew I'd ask you about your experience… if you were okay, if you remembered anything… but I think that part of the fantasy always scared me. I was afraid of what the answers would be. Too many variables. Especially when it came to the part where I asked for your forgiveness."

"You wouldn't have needed to," she told him quietly.

"I would have asked anyway," he returned.

Shepard indulged in another sigh. "Well, do you feel better now?"

He peered at her curiously.

"Well, you've more or less accomplished everything in that fantasy," she clarified. "Though it maybe didn't play out quite in that fashion or order… we still ended up here. And I even accepted your proposal."

He smirked. "Yeah, I guess I can't deny that I'm happy now. Who knows where we'd be if things hadn't happened that way?"

Eve nodded. "It probably would have been a lot different. And… well, I wouldn't have come to know Thane the way I did." Her green eyes automatically sought the ocean vastly splayed out before them, her chest tightening.

"Yeah," Kaidan murmured, kissing her temple. "The poor bastard sounds like he deserved you a lot more than I did then. He deserved to be happy for those last few months."

"I hope he was," she breathed against the wind.

"He was, Evie," Kaidan uttered against the shell of her ear. "He had your love. That's enough to make the saddest son-of-a-bitch this side of the galaxy sing show tunes."

Her lips curved in a phantom smile. "You're biased."

"A little. But it doesn't make it any less true."

The rain slowly trickled to a stop, and Shepard swallowed hard, eyes never leaving the shore. "Thank you, Kaidan."

"For what? Being honest?"

"No. Yes." She shook her head, trying to coax the perfect words to the surface and finding only insufficient ones. "For just… understanding. For not being the jealous prick that I think a lot of people would be. For accepting his place in my heart and not faking it for my benefit."

"I can't fault anyone for being in love with you, Shepard." He told her simply. "As we've established, I didn't exactly handle our reunion with grace. And above all, I only want your happiness. After everything you've done, you deserve it. I wasn't in a place to provide that for you then, as much as I wanted to think I was. But _he_ was, and I can't hate him for it. Like I said… who knows where we'd be if things hadn't happened this way?"

A brilliant smile danced on her lips and she finally brought her gaze back to his handsome face. "I was thinking the very same thing the other day when you asked me to marry you. That in a way he helped to bring me here, with you."

"Then I think we should have a toast to him at the wedding," Kaidan stated with a decisive nod. "Speaking of which… did you break the news to Garrus about the dress?"

A guilty laugh broke from her throat and she shook her head. "Haven't mustered the courage yet. He's likely to snipe me all the way from Palaven. I'm going to call everyone today, though."

Kaidan accepted this. "I told my mother yesterday. She started crying."

Shepard couldn't fight the momentary wince. "Is that a bad thing or a good thing?"

His smile was as warm as sunshine. "A good thing. After Dad… she was happy to have some good news in the family, even if it's hard to imagine her only son getting married without him there." The sadness only just tinged the edges of his deep brown eyes. The contrast against his smile nearly shattered her heart.

"Oh, Kaidan," Eve whispered, arching up to press her forehead against his. "I'm so sorry."

"Thanks, baby," he replied in a sotto voice. "But I'm okay. He wouldn't want us to waste time mourning him. He'd want us to keep going like we are."

Taking a breath, Shepard made a reluctant effort to peel herself from his lap and get onto her feet.

"Hey, where you goin'?" he protested with an exaggerated frown.

"Gonna go for a run since it stopped raining and make all the calls while I'm out."

"Well, stay within earshot so I can at least hear if Garrus decides to take a shot at you."

"Will do, Major," she grinned, blowing a kiss his way as she jogged down the patio steps and tapped her omni-tool to life.

He winked at her before she tore off down the beach and watched her for several minutes, the echoes of her laughter contagious as she spoke to Garrus. He found himself smiling just by proximity of that breathtaking sound, once so painfully scarce.

Finally, he turned his eyes to the horizon where the clearing skies met the glimmering jade sea.

"Thank you," he whispered reverently into the breeze. "I'll make her happy."

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><p><strong>Now I can't promise that this will be the last I go into the ThaneShep relationship, but I felt the need to hear it from Kaidan's mouth before I felt I could really close that up neatly. Surely there will be mention of it in whatever chapters I may write later in this series, but yeah… a little more closure was in order. Thanks so much for the reviews. And to Shenkoshipper who wrote in unlogged and left me a very, very inspiring review. That's probably what convinced me that I could effectively continue in this little realm of post ME3 happiness. **

**Feedback is always welcome!**


	3. Chapter 3

The front door slammed, and Shepard instantly reached over her shoulder for her Scorpion. Then remembered she wasn't currently armed once she felt nothing but the back of her hoodie.

"Shepard?"

Kaidan's voice rang out loud enough to reach her in the bedroom and she rolled her eyes at herself.

"I'm here," she called back, trekking out to find him in the beach house's cozy living area.

He looked up from where he was shuffling through a small suitcase and smiled once he saw her. "There you are. Almost ready to go?"

"Almost," she sighed, leaning against the doorframe and crossing her arms over her chest. "Where'd you run off to? All I got was a note that gave me a _very_ specific 'be back soon'." Her brow furrowed. "And an 'XO' which left me wondering if that meant 'executive officer', or 'kiss and hug'."

"I leave that to your interpretation. And I had a few errands to run," he evaded with a shrug, averting his eyes and focusing back on the contents of the case. Of course, he knew she'd pick up on his behavior and a crooked smile quirked his lips.

"What are you hiding, Alenko?" she asked, resisting the urge to smile in turn.

"I'd never hide anything from you, ma'am," he replied in his well-practiced military voice.

"Except whatever it is you're trying to keep out of my sight, of course," she added, trying to peer over the case's lid.

"Uh-uh." He closed the case before she could catch a glimpse. "That's for later. However… I do have something to give you right now." His eyebrows waggled suggestively, eliciting a laugh from her, the sound sultry and musical.

"Oh, yeah?" she murmured breathily.

"Mm-hm." He reached for her hand, and she complied, stepping closer to him as he gently drew her into a kiss, slow and sweet as molasses. When he finally parted from her, he stared into her eyes, his expression heartfelt and so, so soft. He looked as though the most meaningful poetry ever composed might fall from his lips at any moment.

And then," It's on the porch."

Shepard's face fell comically flat. "Huh?"

He broke into a snicker and began carefully tugging on her hand. "Come on."

Befuddled, Eve followed at his insistence and let him lead her out the front door. She took in the sight of the ocean, the clear sky above, and a few groups of people speckling the white sand in sporadic intervals. There was nothing terribly out of the ordinary or unfamiliar here.

"Meet Vic."

Blinking, she looked at Kaidan, and then down to the object he was holding in his hand. A cord. No, a leash…

…Attached to a very small varren.

"Holy—!" she exclaimed, only cutting herself off as the pup quirked its head up at her. It was cuter than it had any right to be. "You got me a varren?"

"You wanted an engagement pet," Kaidan explained innocently.

Kneeling down, Eve examined the animal closer, its eyes wide and equally curious about her. "But… a varren?" Her tone was colored only by amusement.

"Well, look at him," he answered, as though this was obvious. The varren pup _was_ absurdly adorable. "Besides… I can't really imagine the great Commander Evelyn Shepard taking a Yorkie along for her morning run. I'd have found you a Siberian tiger or somethin', but there weren't any local breeders in the area."

She glanced up from the pup to see her fiance's most charming grin—one she'd come to affectionately refer to as his shit-eating grin. Without even realizing it, a reciprocal smile had crept its way over her lips and she looked back down at the tiny varren. "Vic, huh?"

"Yep, it's on his papers and everything."

"He has papers?" She couldn't keep the incredulity from her voice.

"Pure bred certification and documented lineage."

"…You're kidding."

"Serious as a heart attack." He knelt down beside her then to watch the interaction between the pup and his new owner a little more closely. "So?" His eyes flickered from the animal to his girlfriend. "Will you accept this as an adequate token of our engagement?"

The varren couldn't have timed it more perfectly—he took a timid step forward, then another onto her lap and gave her an experimental sniff, followed by a swift lick on her chin.

Laughter erupted from her, and she fell back from her squatting position to let her ass hit the floor. Looking up to Kaidan through her mirth, she saw he was chuckling, as well. Nodding, she took a few deep breaths to compose herself. "Yes, Kaidan Alenko, I will accept this potentially man-eating animal as a symbol of your undying love and intention to marry me."

"That's what I wanna hear," he replied with a cheeky grin, leaning over and planting a firm kiss on her smiling lips. "Now go finish packing. Our transport's coming in less than an hour."

Giving the pup a good scratch behind the ears, Shepard got to her feet and sent a sideways glance toward Kaidan. "Think James is gonna shit a brick when we bring him on board?"

He barked a laugh. "Maybe… but I think he'll come to love this dog. Er… varren."

Eve dismissively waved a hand as she made her way back inside. "Dog, varren… whatever."

* * *

><p>"And then <em>mi comandante loca<em> here brings a varren onto my shuttle. Like I'm the goddamn humane society." Vega was in fine form, griping in customary fashion with that ever-present thread of respect about Shepard's antics.

Garrus cackled beside him, eying the commander as she walked ahead of them with Alenko at her side, down the long hallway of the Alliance's Scotland HQ.

"Laugh it up, Vakarian. You're going to be holding Vic's leash at the wedding," she told him, sending a pointed glare behind her.

"I'll be sure to bring my side arm," he shot back smoothly.

"Alright, can it, crew," Kaiden ordered as he tried to keep a straight face. "We've got company." Clearing his throat, he straightened his posture as a figure approached them. "Admiral Anderson."

Eve had also straightened up considerably, noticing the others follow her lead from her peripheral vision.

"Major," Anderson addressed Kaidan in return, extending his left hand in offering. The other was occupied with the cane that supported his weight. Their hands met firmly before the way was cleared for Shepard to greet him, as well. His weathered face warmed instantly once his eyes fell upon her, and a fatherly smile spread over his expression. "Commander."

"Sir," Eve choked, finding an unexpected wave of emotion had crept into her throat. It was the first time she'd seen him since the aftermath of the Crucible, as they'd been separated not long after they'd each been found in the wreckage.

He held his arm out to her, waving her to him.

With a half-sob, half-laugh, Shepard wasted no time grasping him in a hug, both trying to be very careful of their respective injuries. "I'm glad you're okay, sir," she muttered shakily in his ear.

"Same to you, kiddo."

* * *

><p>"I understand we have some business to discuss," Admiral Hackett's voice crackled over the vid comm link. "Though I'm sorry I can't be there in person for it."<p>

Shepard resisted the urge to shoot a glance at Kaidan, wondering just how much he'd told Anderson when he'd arranged for this meeting.

"Yes, sir," she replied clearly. "I understand. You're needed in London more than we need you here right now."

Hackett nodded, and then looked to Anderson. "Admiral, if you'd like to begin."

This took Eve by surprise, and her expression wavered to confusion as she turned her attention to Anderson. She hadn't thought they'd get right to her debrief just yet, considering she was still technically on leave.

Anderson read this on her face immediately. "We know you're still on leave, but we figured now's as good a time as any since we could all manage the time. Effective the first day of your return to active duty, you'll be promoted to Major. There will be all the formal hoopla, of course, but we figured you'd appreciate not having any major surprises your first day back."

Shepard was momentarily speechless. It didn't seem that unexpected, considering, but all the same, she'd been damn near court marshaled not even a year before. When she could find her voice, she managed to breathe out a few words. "Thank you, sir."

"You deserve that and a lot more, Shepard," Hackett added with a nod.

Braving a look at Kaidan, she saw that he was practically glowing as he looked back at her, unadulterated pride radiating from his dark eyes.

"There will be a few other things to discuss upon your return," Anderson continued, unable to hide the smile in his voice, "but we can't resist saving you at least a few surprises."

"And with that, I'm afraid I have to depart," Hackett said, offering another nod to each of them. "If you need my personal attention, please send me a message and I'll make myself available at the next possible opportunity. Otherwise, Anderson can give me a rundown later."

"Take care, sir," Shepard said, turning her attention to Anderson once the holo flickered and disappeared.

He shifted from his rigid stance then, and she guessed he was getting a little tired. "Would you like to continue this another time, Admiral?"

"Hell no," his gruff voice replied. "Let's have a seat, though, and get through this so you can get back to your friends." He gestured to the conference table to the side of the large room and lowered himself into a chair with a harsh exhale. "Now what is it you wanted to discuss?"

"We, ah, we have some news, sir," Kaidan piped in, taking a seat beside Eve as she sat across from Anderson. "I know it's… well, it's not exactly kosher with regulations, but we're hoping that we'll receive some, ah…"

"Favoritism?" Anderson supplied, lifting a brow.

A smirk appeared on Kaiden's lips. "I… suppose you could call it that, yeah."

Suddenly, a dark look fell over Anderson and his eyes narrowed as he looked at Eve. "Shepard, please tell me you're not pregnant."

She nearly choked, but fought—like hell—to keep her face even. "No, sir."

"Good," he grunted.

"However," Kaidan quickly interjected.

"Oh, Lord," Anderson muttered under his breath.

Kaidan continued, pointedly ignoring the remark. "Shepard… Eve has agreed to marry me. And, at the risk of overstepping any bounds, I just want to put it out there that we don't exactly need Alliance permission, as our Spectre statuses are still active. But… we want your… well, blessing, for lack of a better word."

For a moment, no one said anything, and Shepard was tempted to squirm in her seat. She forced herself to remain focused, however, and not look at Kaidan. The way he was grasping her knee under the table clearly expressed just how nervous he was, too.

The laughter that suddenly burst from Anderson nearly startled her off of her chair.

"Oh, I had you for a minute there, didn't I?" the old man gloated through his chortles.

Eve and Kaidan relaxed and exchanged a brief glance, amused with themselves for getting so worked up.

Once his laughter began to fade, Anderson shifted to lean forward over the table. "Don't be ridiculous, Major. Of course you have my blessing. If anyone in the Alliance has an issue, they can take it up with me. And I highly doubt anyone will." He reached over to pat Shepard's gloved hand. "Congratulations, both of you. I couldn't be happier for you. There are no two people more deserving, especially after all this."

Eve pressed her lips together to stave off another bout of increasing emotion. For the time being, she could only nod her gratitude.

"Thank you, Admiral," Kaidan offered in her stead, giving her knee a light squeeze. "There's something else, as well."

Anderson only gave a nod, waiting for the Major to continue.

"We'd like to be married on the _Normandy_."

The gentle smile that curled Anderson's lips didn't make it any easier on Eve's internal emotional battle. "Of course. The repairs are well on their way, thanks to the AI, and I estimate she'll be up and running in a little under a month."

Kaidan once again gave his thanks before he carefully nudged Shepard meaningfully, speaking up once more. "And… there's something else."

"Oh, for the love of God, son, can you just get it all out at once?" Anderson chided, no bite behind his bark.

Taking an unsteady breath, Eve tentatively reached out to cover Anderson's hand, her eyes fixed on his. "I'd… be very grateful if you would be the one to give me away."

It was Anderson's turn to go silent, and Shepard saw the unmistakable glimmer of wetness forming over his eyes.

"It would be an honor," Anderson whispered.

* * *

><p><strong>And thar you have another chapter just to touch on a few fairly significant issues before we progress onward. Thanks for the reviews and faves, and a special thanks to kittymills for the feedback and suggestions. I always welcome ideas, so don't be shy, kiddos. And if you didn't see it before, I did bump up the rating for some fairly -ahem- adult things that will likely be happening down the line. <strong>

**Please drop a review if you can take the time. I always like to hear what you have to say. **


	4. Chapter 4

"Are you sure you're ready for this, Shepard?"

"Yep," she answered firmly, steeling herself against a case of rattling nerves. "Let's get this over with."

"You don't have to do this now. Say the word and we're out of here."

"Shut it, Alenko," she ordered through clenched teeth. "We're doing this."

Kaidan pressed his lips together to keep from laughing at her barely concealed terror, and then shook his head. "Alright. No taking it back now."

With that, he extended a hand and knocked on the wooden door before them with four sharp, staccato raps.

He smirked as Eve grasped his other hand, tighter than had to be comfortable for her.

It was only about eight seconds later that the door slowly opened and a small, gracefully aging woman with grey-streaked ebony hair and lovely almond-shaped dark eyes peered through.

"Kaidan!" She gasped, hastily pushing the door open all the way and throwing her arms around him.

"Hey, mom," Kaidan murmured softly in her hair.

"You're home," she said in a broken voice, clinging tightly to her son. "You're finally home."

"I'm home," he smiled, shooting a sheepish look toward Shepard. "There's someone I'd like you to meet." Gently, he pried her from him, and gave her a bright smile before turning to Eve. "This is my mother, Luli Alenko. Mom, this is Commander—well, soon to be _Major_ Evelyn Shepard, savior of all galactic life as we know it." She noticed his face had developed that shit-eating grin again as he added that gratuitous title and she just barely managed not to roll her eyes. "And my fiancé."

"Commander Shepard," the woman breathed reverently, her eyes glossy. "It's a great honor to meet you."

"Call me Eve, please," Shepard offered warmly. "The honor is mine, Mrs. Alenko."

Without any warning, the older woman had her clutched in an embrace, tight enough to make her wince in pain. Kaidan immediately noticed and stepped closer to intervene on her behalf.

"Mom, she's—"

"It's okay," Eve interrupted, throwing him a rueful smile. It had been too long since she'd had the magical sort of hug that only a mother could give. She'd welcome the opportunity.

"Thank you," she heard near her ear, realizing that Kaidan's mother was quietly sobbing. "Thank you so much."

Eve got the impression that the words were for more than just bringing her son by for a visit, and she swallowed hard, an unexpected wave of guilt washing over her. Instantly, she'd thought of Kaidan's father. This woman had lost her beloved husband, and the idea of living through that kind of loss nearly overwhelmed her. It didn't escape her that it had to be similar to what Kaidan had experienced when she'd died three years ago. If their roles had been reversed, she wasn't sure how she'd handle it. She'd lost people before, but someone that meant as much to her as the man that stood not three feet from her with a trembling smile on his lips... that would be a new depth of pain. "I'm just sorry I couldn't do more before…"

"Shh," Mrs. Alenko hushed her as she finally pulled away. She took Eve's hands, briefly noticing the gloves before she settled her tearful eyes on Shepard's. "Kaidan told me that you take too much responsibility onto your shoulders. You did more than enough. You saved us. You saved my son, when I was almost sure I'd lose them both. I don't think anyone in this _life_ could thank you enough for what you've done."

It was true that Shepard had figured she'd likely hear some thanks from time to time, whether or not she thought it was necessary—after all, it was a selfish endeavor to stop the Reapers, in a way, considering that she'd wanted to keep the galaxy that she loved alive, both for herself as well as everyone else. This kind of gratitude, though, was so heart-wrenchingly genuine that it made her feel utterly awkward and inadequate.

Evelyn Shepard the human couldn't possibly live up to the overblown image everyone harbored of Commander Shepard the soldier, she was sure of it. When she really broke it down, the conclusion that she always came to was that it was sheer _chance_ that she'd managed to do what she'd done. She was a soldier, trained like any other, but simply in the right place at the right time, if one chose to see it that way. She'd been the one to land in front of that beacon on Eden Prime, as anyone could have, as _Kaidan_ almost had. Sure, there'd been speculation that she'd had exceptional constitution to be able to withstand that kind of mental assault, but Shepard wasn't convinced that it would have been different had another strong-willed individual—possibly Kaidan himself—ended up in her place. Since then, equipped with only the knowledge she'd just happened to stumble across, she'd been fortunate enough to get the team and the resources she'd needed to realize an end to all of it. It was something any person could have done with the right motivation and some hard work. This praise was too big for her and she had no idea what to do with it.

"I… you're welcome," she mumbled lamely, humbly. The right words to explain this had completely eluded her. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she could hear the words Kaidan had told her when they'd discussed this after the Crucible. '_But the thing you keep failing to see, Shepard, is that not everyone_ would _have done it. Never mind_ could _have_. _That's what makes you the true hero you are. You stared straight into the abyss, into that darkness __that keeps the rest of us awake at night, and spat in its goddamn face, even while your own hands were shaking._' She was starting to think that maybe it was just him that brought the hero out in her. With a wisp of a smile, she added, "I couldn't have done it without your son and the rest of my team."

"And you'll make such beautiful babies," Mrs. Alenko concluded with a sniffle, patting Eve on the cheek before turning back to the house. "Come in, come in. We've so much to talk about."

Kaidan just snickered as he took the hand of his suddenly flustered girlfriend and led her inside.

* * *

><p>It was a relief to see his mother up and fluttering around the kitchen after a long, difficult talk about what had happened in London, barring the gruesome details, followed by a rough discussion about the parts of Vancouver that had been demolished during the invasion, and what they knew of his father's disappearance. She seemed much lighter in spirit than she had been when they'd first arrived, and Kaidan was glad to see it. He'd dreaded the idea of having to leave again while she was still so emotional. For now, though, she seemed happily occupied with whatever she was baking while he and Eve sat contentedly in the living room.<p>

He was sorting through messages and letters that his mother had kept for him over the last few months he'd been away from home, from various friends and family, things that she hadn't been able to forward once he'd fallen out of contact in the midst of the attack. There was even a note from Rahna, to his great surprise, though she'd left a very vague '_Call me when you get some time'_, followed by contact information.

"So… Luli," Shepard broke into his thoughts from where she'd sprawled out sideways across a giant maroon recliner. It had been his father's favorite chair. "It's an unusual name. What's the origin, if you don't mind my asking?"

Kaidan leaned back in his seat on the matching sofa after putting the pad aside and looked over to her, instantly drinking in the sight of her long, lithe form. The novelty of witnessing her in these relaxed states, down to the slim-fitting, dark jeans and long-sleeved sweater, had yet to wear off and he relished it every chance he got. "It's Chinese. Her mother's side. Her father was Irish."

Shepard's lips curved in an appreciative smile. "That's a very eclectic background. And Alenko?"

"Ukrainian," he replied, adding a shrug then after. "Pretty distantly. The family defected a long time ago and there are a few of us sprinkled around Canada and the northern U.S. here and there. I look almost nothing like his side of the family. Except my smile." He chuckled thinly.

"It's a great smile," she murmured, a knowing expression on her face. "And your mother's lovely. No wonder you turned out so pretty."

"Pretty?" he repeated, aghast.

"That's what I said, Major."

"You take that back."

"Not on your life."

"We're gonna talk about this later," he warned, mischievous promise sparkling in his eyes. "What about you? Evelyn Shepard seems about as Anglo as it can be."

Shepard nodded, turning her gaze to stare out the front window. "Yeah. I don't really know much about the family lineage, but… someone was probably English at some point. I know little else for sure." With a shrug, she didn't go any further and Kaidan didn't push.

They'd discussed their families in minor detail a few times throughout their relationship, and he knew enough to understand it was a hard subject for her, despite her effort to be unyieldingly honest. He knew she'd tell him anything if he simply asked her to, but putting her through unnecessary anguish just to appease his curiosity was something he was loath to do. She would volunteer more once she was ready, as she always had.

After all, there was no need for urgency anymore, to learn everything they could about each other in concise sentences and windows for silent assumption. Fear of the unknown, of what tragedy every turn might bring, no longer simmered around them. No, for once they had time.

They had time.

It hit him with all the subtlety of a freighter right then, and emotion swelled up in his throat and pricked his eyes. Time was an unfamiliar concept, and the realization that, for the first time, it was within their grasp enveloped him like a warm spring after a long, cold winter. They had _time_.

There was no crisis anymore. Somehow, this amazing woman had managed to unite an entire galaxy—every race, every gender, every age—for perhaps the first time in history, sharing a common love for life that superseded any grudge. It wouldn't last, he knew, but he'd lived to see it with his own two eyes and he knew it would take the rest of his life—his foreseeably _long_ life— to fully appreciate its magnitude.

Even more amazing was that, in a few weeks, the woman that made it all happen, who had helped to show him his full potential and still regarded him as an equal, would be his wife.

And they had all the time in the universe.

* * *

><p><strong>Yet another light(ish) chapter to touch on a few other interactions that I believe are important. There might be another one or two of these before we start getting into the heavier parts, but who knows? Maybe less. Right now I'm winging this story just based on ideas that pop into my head and that I think are worth saying, and it's kinda nice to utilize the one-shot series approach. It allows me a lot of liberties and doesn't require me to make everything mesh together all that cleanly-unclear time jumps forward and such. Good for the creativity. Also, I'm still trying to keep this as vague as I can as far as Shep's history. I did give her the name and physical characteristics of my Shepard, it's true, but I'm trying to gloss over the details to make her fit in each of your heads the way you prefer her. <strong>

**If you're curious, though, my Shep is pretty much full Paragon (with the exception of the Rule of Cool-Renegade options when I think it's situationally appropriate or just badass), she was Earthborn, and... I think Sole Survivor? To be honest, I'm not sure. I've been playing her since ME1 and I just stopped paying attention after a while. I know that she is, however, an Infiltrator. I LOVE my hot sniper Shep. But yes... all of this is stuff that I won't get too detailed about in story, since I want the character to be pliable enough to fit into the molds you may have built for your Sheps.**

**Thanks so much for the awesome responses. I've seen a lot of hits, faves, and alerts, and I'm grateful for each one. Please, if you can take a minute or two, drop a review. Feel free to submit ideas for things you might like to see in this story in the future... I'm always willing to hear them and use them if they'll fit with my main idea.**


	5. Chapter 5

It was easy to forget what normal life, however vaguely defined, felt like. The feel of satin against skin, golden sunlight warming bare shoulders, shoes of delicate straps and soles—all things that had become foreign to Shepard.

And she was second guessing whether or not she ever really wanted to reacquaint herself with these things again after this.

"Ooh, this one looks… fun."

Eve looked up from the rather confusing contraption in her hands—a one-shoulder strappy number in violent fuchsia—to Kasumi's devilish smile as she waved something very red and very _short_ in front of her.

Shepard raised a blond eyebrow.

"Well, fun for the groom, at least," Kasumi qualified, giving the slinky dress another once-over before resignedly returning it to the rack. "Alright, then. Perhaps we should see if there are any nearby convents still intact? I could steal a habit for you."

"You're hilarious, Kasu," Shepard mumbled, trying not to be overwhelmed by the sheer volume of silk, lace, and spandex that spanned as far as she could see. A sigh escaped her. "I have no idea what I'm doing."

"Shepard!" Tali's voice interrupted her moment of guilty self-pity and she turned around to find the quarian waving her over to another end of the store excitedly. As excitedly as she could appear behind the mask, anyway. "I think I found one."

She spared a glance at Kasumi who shrugged in response, and they began weaving their way through the racks to get a look at Tali's find.

"So, I'm curious," Kasumi began from behind her, "is the great Commander Shepard going to be taking the handsome Mr. Alenko's name when this is all said and done?"

A half-smile formed over Eve's lips as she deftly skirted around other patrons of the store. "Well, we talked about it. We can't deny that the idea is nice, but beyond that… we both agreed it's probably better if I kept my name."

"Aw, why?" Clearly, this disappointed the romantic in the thief.

Eve shrugged. "The fact is that there's still a lot of this war left to clean up. Not only that, but the brass is worried about how long the peace will last before everyone starts remembering their personal grudges, and hitting while there are still so many vulnerabilities. Whether I like it or not, my name holds a lot of weight. If my reputation can help in any way to remind everyone what so many fought and died for, then I'll use it if I really need to. Hopefully, I won't."

"Ah, like '_with great power comes great responsibility_'," Kasumi cheekily supplied.

"Something like that," Shepard offered indulgently, before she finally reached the other side of the shop and let her eyes fall on the hanger in Tali's hand. Her breath caught. "Oh, Tali…"

"Wow," Kasumi whispered in agreement.

"It would bring out your eyes, yes?" Tali asked, obviously proud of herself.

With a grin, Eve checked the size—she'd sooner rely on that than bother trying anything on—then took the hanger and set off toward the counter, grateful they'd managed to find something in the midst of Vancouver's reconstruction. This was only one of a handful of open businesses, though more were reopening their doors every day. Even fewer had managed to get most of their tech systems back online, so customers had to do most of their shopping the old fashioned way for the meantime.

Her friends followed behind, Kasumi letting her gaze wander dreamily over the array of clothing and accessories. "So where's Liara, Shep? I thought she'd be fawning over the bride like the rest of us."

"She got held up with the refugee situation in Thessia," she answered, fishing out her credit chit. "She'll be here before the wedding, though."

"And the blushing groom is where today?"

"Yes, I'm surprised to see he isn't here," Tali added. "Usually you two seem inseparable."

Shepard winced inwardly. Were they really one of those couples? She shook her head, never thinking she'd see the day. With a self-deprecating chuckle, she watched as the clerk carefully packaged her purchase. "He's meeting with an old friend of his that he hasn't seen in a long time, and then I guess he's going for a drink and a game of poker with James, Joker, and Garrus later."

"Oh, old friend, hm?" Kasumi asked with renewed interest. "If he's anywhere near as studly as your boy toy, I expect to be introduced."

Eve couldn't resist the snicker. "Well, I assure you… _she_ is probably not."

Kasumi froze, her voice dropping half an octave. "She?"

"Friend from his biotic training back when he was a kid," Shepard elaborated, taking the package and heading toward the door. She'd worry about shoes and other obligatory adornments later.

"And he's seeing this person alone?" Kasumi persisted, jogging to catch up. Tali tailed closely behind, trying not to appear interested in the topic.

Holding the door open for her friends, Shepard arched another brow at Kasumi. "Do you honestly believe I have something to be concerned about?"

The thief considered this for a moment, before shrugging. "You _do_ pack a mean punch."

Eve smiled. "That's what I thought."

* * *

><p>It shouldn't have surprised Kaidan that the bar was as busy as it was, but he couldn't deny that he hadn't been expecting it. It made sense, of course. With huge portions of the city in shambles and only a few businesses in good enough shape to keep their doors open, people would flock to places like this. People would self-medicate any way they could. Philosophically, he may not have agreed with it, but when he considered his own reactions to losing loved ones in the past… well, he couldn't claim any moral high ground. He'd once been one of them.<p>

On the other hand, it stood to reason that some would be celebrating, but he couldn't help but think that after nearly two months since the war had ended, this was the time when reality began to catch up once again, and the rush of endorphins from the Reapers' defeat had long since gone, leaving only painful, open wounds in their stead. From the look of the people in front of him, it seemed a fair share of everything.

"Kaidan!"

He turned toward the direction of the voice, a little lighter in timbre than he'd remembered, but there sat a familiar face at a corner table. Pretty, sun-kissed olive complexion, and older than the youthful face he'd once admired.

With a smile, he lifted his hand in a brief wave before he shuffled toward her, his slight limp thankfully becoming less bothersome than it had been since the Crucible.

"Rahna," he greeted when he approached. "It's been a long time."

Her smile was bright, teeth stark in contrast against her bronze skin. "It has, Kaidan. Too long. Please, sit."

He noticed immediately that her Turkish accent had faded a fair degree since they'd been teenagers. Sliding into the seat across from her, he swallowed, not sure where to start. Luckily, she spoke again and eased the burden from him.

"You look well," she told him. "The years have been kind to you."

He very nearly barked a laugh, but managed to cover with a weak, polite chuckle. If anything, the years had aged him considerably beyond his own thirty-five, sparse strands of grey interspersed throughout his coal black hair, and lines around his eyes. He was pretty sure the majority of it had happened in the time that Shepard had been gone after the _Normandy SR1_. He didn't argue the compliment, however, but chose to accept it as nothing more than a social nicety. Or perhaps that he was simply happier these days and it showed. "I, uh… thanks. You look well, too."

Her smile became impossibly brighter before a sheepish look crossed her face. "I saw you all over the news vids when the attack happened. I couldn't believe it was you. I always knew you'd planned a career in the Alliance, but I hadn't expected that you'd be…" She gestured with her hands, as though trying to snap the right word clean out of thin air. "…so _crucial_." Instantly, she looked chagrinned. "I mean… I didn't mean it like that. I just meant that… it's so amazing to see someone I once knew so well practically leading the defense of our lives in the biggest catastrophe that we've ever seen! I don't know if I'm saying this right…"

Kaidan held up a hand to stop her and sent her a gracious smile. "It's okay, Rahna. I understand what you mean."

She gestured behind him then, waving the barkeep over to deliver a second round. "We will have a drink, no? I want to hear more about what you've done since I last saw you."

"Ah," he started awkwardly, again fumbling for the most appropriate thing to say. "Alright… well, I joined the Alliance pretty much after the… incident at Brain Camp blew over." He paused to observe her for a moment, curious to how she would receive the reminder. Her expression was nothing but sympathetic, and he felt an uncomfortable and inexplicable twist in his gut. "Had a few different posts before I ended up on the _Normandy_, and… well, a few things in between, some promotions, then I was… ah, reassigned to the _Normandy_. That's kind of a long story." He gave a shrug, nodding thanks to the barkeep as a Canadian lager was placed in front of him. "The rest is history."

"And you know the Commander Shepard well, yes?"

"_The_ Commander Shepard," he repeated with some amusement before taking a swig from the bottle and slowly nodding. "I do, yeah."

She began speaking again before he could get the chance to elaborate, though he wasn't sure what he'd even say. "It must be wonderful to have been involved in something so important. The risk you took…" Her expression took on a twinge of regret as she paused, her mouth turned down. "I am sorry that I ended things between us the way I did. I was frightened and so weak… I should have been strong, like you've always been. Like that Commander. I… I think that's mostly why I asked you to meet me. I owe you a very big apology."

Kaidan couldn't decide if he agreed or not. Part of him had always wanted some sort of vindication for whole fiasco—killing someone, regardless of whether or not it was defensive, left a mark, especially on a kid. Hell, he couldn't even deny the fact that it had fueled his decision to come here, to some degree. Her rejection of him after that had nearly undone him back them, forcing him question whether or not he was right in his actions.

On the other hand, he was older now, and he'd done a lot in the time since to make peace with a great many of his choices. He knew he'd have done it again in a second to defend the life of an innocent person, something he believed he'd been doing since. There were no longer any attachments here, no emotional investment of any kind in this girl. He'd found the love of his life and she was elsewhere today, spending time with her friends, taking care of a few things in preparation for their wedding. Any feelings he still harbored for Rahna were merely residual traces of the resentment he'd developed when he was young. It was less a feeling now and more a memory of a feeling. Did he really need any of that vindication? Probably not.

"It's done, Rahna," he sighed, nearly shaking his head before thinking better of it. He looked down at the beer bottle for a moment, stalling for words, before meeting her eyes again. "Apology accepted. It's over now, though, and everything is probably better for it. Who knows where we would have ended up otherwise?"

Immediately, he was reminded of his conversation with Eve as the words passed through his lips. No matter how screwed up or painful things might have been through it all, the fact is that he'd seen a lot of good come from it. The Reapers were gone, his mother and their family's property—both here and in the orchards further inside British Columbia—had been spared. Not to mention he was getting an opportunity to marry the woman he'd loved for years, against every odd that had once stacked up seemingly without end. That itself was nearly miraculous on its own.

Rahna was nodding slowly, her onyx eyes fixed on the table. "You've always been so kind-hearted and gentle."

He offered a smile. "Well, thanks… but hey, everyone always thought the same about you. I'm sure none of that has changed."

She didn't respond. It unsettled him, but he could only assume that she was simply feeling a great deal of guilt.

"What have you been up to since then?" He was trying to get her to talk now, to ease some of the tension that had thickened the silence.

Finally bringing her eyes up to him, she managed a smile. "Oh, I've travelled a little. Probably nothing as expansive as you, but I've been able to go off world a few times since camp. I joined a faction of Earth-based biotics where I could continue my training and put it to good use." She shrugged then. "I figured it wouldn't do me any good to have all of that power and not do anything with it. I want to hear more about you, though. Surely, nothing I've done is as impressive. Are you living here in Vancouver now? I assumed so since this is where you asked me to meet you. Or does the Alliance keep you in space at all times?"

"Ah," Kaidan chuckled awkwardly. "Well, I actually just came back here about a week ago to see my mom, but we're looking into getting some land here. We thought about buying a house, but I'm considering building on account of… well, everything."

"We?" Rahna inquired with interest, her dark eyebrows knitted. "You and… your mother? Or…?"

Right. Kaidan had forgotten that, in spite of how much it seemed like everyone already knew, most of the world outside of the Alliance had no idea about his relationship with the famous commander. He wasn't sure if it was a good idea to share the information so openly, but there was no way it would stay hidden forever. Hell, he wouldn't be surprised if Khalisah Bint Sinan Al-Jilani was already compiling a juicy story full of wedding details that she could smear and scandalize to her heart's content. She'd probably try to stow her way onto the _Normandy_ for the ceremony in hopes of getting an exclusive vid. He nearly grimaced at that thought.

Deciding that it probably wouldn't make much difference, ultimately, he opted for honesty. "No, actually… I'm getting married in a week. To… uh, to Commander Shepard."

Before Rahna could portray any hint of shock, her face broke into a smile. "You are? That's… that's great!" Kaidan tilted his head as her voice faltered. She plowed ahead, though, before he could deeply analyze it. "Congratulations, Kaidan. Commander Shepard, wow. I had no idea."

"Thanks," he replied carefully, watching her expression. He wasn't sure what he'd expected in response, but he didn't quite know what to make of this, either. The words were certainly customary enough, but there was something present below the surface that he couldn't place.

"Well, I really should be going and I suppose you should be getting back to your fiancé, no?" She smiled and stood, reaching for her handbag. "I'll take care of the drinks on my way out. It was nice to see you, Kaidan. Perhaps we'll get to see each other again soon. I'd love to meet your commander sometime."

With that, she was making her way out, leaving Kaidan in a state of confusion over her abrupt departure. He supposed it was possible that she'd come to meet him with the intent of pursuing something with him… as disappointing a thought as that was. It wasn't unheard of, though. People from the past tended to come flocking around once you became famous, sniffing around for a piece of the romanticized glory to call their own. He hated to think she might be no different.

With a shrug, he reached for his beer and put it out of his mind. He had better things to focus on and places to be.

* * *

><p><strong>So it's not my best, but I keep discovering all these little points I need to touch on before moving too far ahead into the meatier parts of the story, even as loose as the plot is in this whole thing. I went through three drafts of this friggin' chapter before deciding to just post it and be done with it. Next chapter's already half way done. <strong>

**Thanks for the feedback and the faves! I look forward to hearing more from you. **


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